A Geek's Bed Time Story

For those of you who don't know, Becca is traveling back and forth to Taylorsville, MS to help take care of her mother, who's suffering from both leukemia and breast cancer. In the meantime, Becca works from home a lot, and often late into the night. As such, I'm usually up late at night with her, chatting online (I just got a new job, though, so I won't be able to do that during the week anymore). This one particular night, Becca asked me to 'read her a bedtime story'. At the time, I was trying to fix a Dell PowerEdge server for one of my old bosses and it wasn't booting properly. Mad at the machine, I decided to vent my frustration and at the same time provide some entertainment.

Here is "The Rebellious 600SC" as taken from that night's chat.

me: There once was a Dell Poweredge 600SC that never wanted to boot into an OS b/c it didn't want to grow up and become a real computer.
Sent at 11:25 PM on Friday

Rebecca: O_O

me: This Poweredge 600SC was so rotten in not wanting to become a real PC that it turned down offers to be upgraded, and reveled in it's ancient hardware.

Rebecca: reveled, eh?

me: "Ha, ha! I don't want to be made to do nothing but run DHCP and DNS services all day!" the little server raged. "Oh, how I wish someone would use me as a personal PC; one that they gamed on, maybe even used to look at naughty pictures..." the server thought and wished.
What, did I spell it wrong?

Rebecca: no
please continue

me: One day, the Sysadmin got tired of the little machine; bought a newer, faster and more powerful server and shelved the little 600SC in the back of the server room. This was a frightening place where all useless, outdated and relatively bad servers and PCs go to live out their days; forgotten and covered in dust and silt.

Rebecca: oooo...sad....

me: "Oh no! Where did the Sysadmin put me?" the little server cried. "Why you are in the deepest recesses of the server room, noob! Here no one will ever boot you again!" an old Sun SPARC server cried. "Oh, if only I hadn't gotten so old as to not be upgraded anymore..."
"What's so great about being upgraded?!" the little server yelled. "That just gives the Sysadmin a reason to make you work!"
Silence met the little server for such an outrageous proclamation.

Rebecca: what a little prick he is!

me: "THEN WHAT WAS YOUR PURPOSE FOR EXISTING IF YOU WEREN'T GOING TO WORK!!!????" the old SPARC server spat, accompanied by the choruses of other older machines. "No wonder you were shoved back here!" an IBM BladeX server yelled. "He should have his CPU pulled!" the ancient SiliconGraphics server demanded.
At this rate, the little 600SC knew that it had overstepped its bounds; though it may have never wanted to work, that doesn't mean that there were machines who thought like it did.

Rebecca: uh huh uh huh

me: The crowd started to harass the little server until a small voice spoke up. "Maybe 600SC wants another purpose?" spoke the little Apple II desktop. "Maybe 600SC wants to work for someone rather than a whole organization?"

Rebecca: leave it to Apple to have a level head! I like this story.

me: "Venerable Elder," a perky Dell Inspiron said, "since 600SC and I come from the same manufacturer, maybe I can help him find his way?"

Rebecca: ooooo! it's like the Guiding Spirit!

me: "Splendid idea, Inspiron!" said Apple II. "Teach 600SC all he will need to know so that he may be repurposed to this new line of life."

Rebecca: I'll bet he's got a deep gravelly voice and a long white beard!
me: Who, the Apple II?
Rebecca: yuuup
me: Eh, something like that. Whatever a gravely voice sounds like in binary.
Rebecca: gravelly binary...hmmmm....
me: lol
Rebecca: gonna need you to copy/paste this story into your blog, btw
me: *rolls eyes
Rebecca: you're an incredible story teller
me: lol OK

me: So, after much tutelage in the ways of being a personal PC as instructed by the Inspiron, the time came for the 600SC to find a new owner.

Rebecca: kinda like a puppy

me: One day, when the SysAdmin came into the server room looking for a good machine for a new employee, he realized that the only thing he could do is probably build a new machine from some scrap parts laying around in the server room.
"You know, there's that old 600SC that I could never get to work. I wonder if I scrapped all the add on cards in it, gave it a new motherboard and reused the CPU and RAM that's already in it, I could make a decent desktop."
With this in mind, the SysAdmin began the task of ordering the new parts and sent one of the Junior SysAdmins to gather them.

Rebecca: the plot thickens...

me: While waiting on the new parts, the SysAdmin went into the server room and searched for the old 600SC.
"I could have sworn that piece of junk was lying somewhere around here...oh here it is, near the front. Hm, that's odd, I thought I put it in the corner with the old SPARC..."
Not thinking anymore on the topic, the SysAdmin grabbed the little server, brought it to his workbench and began the ardous task of removing the motherboard and add-on cards.

me: The little 600SC was very nervous. However, the little server remembered one of the Inspiron's favorite sayings: "The SysAdmin just wants us to work; he cares not for what task, only that we perform the task and perform it well. And, I think, perform that task happily."

Rebecca: I think the apple would smoke a pipe
me: A pipe?
Well, maybe an old coaxial cable.
Rebecca: *nods

me: So, for the first time, the 600SC did not struggle. "Hm, usually this case is (expletive deleted) to get open..." the SysAdmin marveled. "Oh well, must mean I picked the right one."

me: By the time the SysAdmin had removed the necessary parts, the Junior SysAdmin returned with a new motherboard that was compatible with the processor and RAM of the 600SC, a new solid-state 300GB hard drive, new video and sound cards, and a new OS. "Hope this works, boss." the Jr. SysAdmin said. "This machine has been REAL picky before." "Yeah, I thought so too, but I'm pretty confident the new parts will work and we'll finally get our money's worth out of this machine" said the SysAdmin.

me: After about an hour's worth of work, the SysAdmin was finished. "Ok, let's turn it on and install the OS. Noob over there wants Windows 7", he said, rolling his eyes.

Rebecca: heh...noob...
*crosses fingers

me: Once the SysAdmin turned on the machine and began the install, both he and the Jr. SysAdmin were shocked! Never had this machine moved so quickly; not only that, it was actually installing! It was working! "Hm, should have done this a long time ago" the Jr. SysAdmin said. "Looks like this machine will work a lot better and happier now."

me: Once the install was finished, the Jr. SysAdmin setup the little 600SC with a brand new 23-inch monitor, optical mouse and keyboard. Finally, little 600SC was a desktop and awaiting for the arrival of its new owner/user.

Rebecca: *applause

me: "Oh wow, The Company really went out of its way to give me a good graphical machine" the newly hired engineer stated. "Designing in AutoCAD, and doing some fun stuff in Photoshop should be a breeze on such a fast system."

Rebecca: wooooah!
it can do all that?
me: Well, it can now.
the piece of junk in the living room, however, will not let me install an OS.
Rebecca: =(

me: Upon booting the little 600SC happened to overhear what the young engineer said and was overjoyed. "Someone wants to actually use me! And for his own purposes as well!" The little server was overjoyed, for it had finally found its purpose. Though it still had to work, but, just as the Inspiron had taught him, given time a user will always want to use his PC for fun.
And for many years (well, many years in the lifespan of a PC), that is exactly what the little 600SC and the engineer did; worked and had fun.
Sent at 12:12 AM on Saturday

The End

Rebecca: *applause!
*three cheers!
*woohooo!
*great story!

*Note: if you didn't know, my wife is a fan of the cheese...*